I had left him so many times, but in actuality I never left at all. I would make it up in my mind, to leave. I had no reason to stay. I was being depreciated like an American dollar, but there were times I was valued like a Sotheby’s Flawless diamond (valued at 160 million dollars easy). I craved his touch in his absence, and I desired his absence in his presence. Many people had warned me about his character, but I was certain that they perspective was just perception and they were incorrect.
The person I had grown to love was pure perfection even in his imperfections. I believe in “unconditional love”. I believe in happily ever after; even after happy no-longer exist.
At one point, everything was perfect. We co-existed, we were side by side every moment, “hell I should have had my ass in class” instead I was focused on his ass, and I enjoyed our lessons of chemistry; Orgasms on any given day, any given place.
There was no such thing as limits, (I loved that), no such thing as nasty, “we even shared golden showers”, basking in the moment for hours. He would leave the house, and text “I love you” just because, and that was enough for me to smile an entire day.
One time he picked me up from class with peach roses, and we went for a ride, only to arrive at the park with a basket filled with goodies, “and I don’t mean toys”. We had subway sandwiches, Doritos, weirdly I eat hot sauce on my Doritos, so he brought a small bottle of hot sauce (how cute), our drink consisted of mimosa, and dessert was strawberry cheesecake (my favorite). After eating, we watched the sky, and danced to the sound of our heartbeats. We played in the grass like toddlers, and chased each other like a cat would a mouse.
I should have never been with him, and he should have never been with me. I had been single for over two years, and celibate for half of that time. I was emotionally vulnerable, and so was my pussy. We embraced him, we meaning my vagina, heart and I embraced him with open arms, and we forgave him every time he made a mistake.
His best friend warned me about his previous cheating, his best friend begged me to not love him, or trust him with my heart. I ignored it, for the sake of not being alone.
One night we had a game night, and one of his ex’s came by to join us, his ex was displeased with my presence, but I overlooked her frustration, and enjoyed our night of games. After drinking shots, laughing, and relaxing in frustration, game night had finally come to an end.
My lover walked his ex to her car, and I didn’t care. I was literally laying in his bed waiting on him to return so we can rest. He came back in, and took off his jacket, and said “I have something to tell you, and I’m not going to lie”. I laid there with open ears, and he said “we kissed”. “I walked her down stairs to her car, and we started talking and we kissed”.
I was furious and upset; not at the kiss, but at the fact I was only upstairs. I was only steps away and that didn’t demand a little bit of respect. He said, “If you don’t want to kiss me I understand”.
That was the night; I noticed we shouldn’t be together. He didn’t have the ability to be selfless; he would sacrifice a person’s heart for his own pleasure. He thought, telling me about his betrayal was respectful oppose to not indulging into the act of kissing.
That was the 1st time I should have walked away, but I gave him a second time, third, fourth, and fifth.
He had another ex, who he loved and respected dearly, so I developed the same approach; not the love part, but the respect part. Oh but she was like a crook in my neck!
She was on a quest to find God, so she didn’t pay him much mind in the beginning of our relationship, but I guess she couldn’t really find God, so she found a way to demand attention from him, her god with the little “g”. There were times he would come to me in disturbance because of something his ex said, or did, and I would comfort him.
However, in actuality I was comforting the situation between them; I was unconsciously creating the ideology that having two women in-love with him okay.
The first fight we had was on the way to Cleveland, we were in his car. His ex had passed us in route, so she called him, and Lawd knows I don’t know everything she said, but he was speaking in heavy code, and some parts of the conversation I could pick up, and other parts I couldn’t. I was right beside him, so I knocked his phone from his ear, and all hell broke loose.
We fought, he threatened not to take me home, and I had plans to see my family. He dropped me off at my apartment, but I guess his best-friend convinced him to allow me to ride with him under the condition that I drive the entire way, so I did.
We went home, and I was surely done with him in my mind, but not in my heart. We saw our families, but we barely departed from each other when went home together. Another time he showed the essence of his true colors is at party that he invited me to, we didn’t have the title of a couple, but we had the privileges of one.
He was flirting with this whore, and I watched. His type of woman is always different. “That bitch didn’t have shit on me”. He flirted, then he got in her car and exchanged numbers with her, I was out with him and his family, so I couldn’t react irrational.
I decided to do the silent treatment, and he apologized. I don’t know why he apologized because later that day, he got dressed and said; the young lady he exchanged numbers with invited him to a bar where she worked. Then he said, “You can come if you want too” Oh no he didn’t! This silly ass nigga had just apologized, now he was about to go on a date with the bitch! Unbelievable!
So, I got dressed so he can drop me off, but before I left his presence I said, “You got me fucked up, I dated a real man, and respect was never an issue, and it won’t become one now!
I don’t care what your plans are; just know this is the last time you make a fool out of me, twice in less than 24 hours.”
He started speeding to my house, and before I could get out the car good, he says “I don’t want to lose you, if you don’t want me to go than I won’t go”. I said, “If you want to go than go”. He said, “Come with me”, and I said “okay”.
We went, we drunk a drink or two, the woman was confused as to why I was there, and so was I. I went because I didn’t want to lose him either. We stayed, and the woman began to show him nude pictures of her, and to show his innocence he would pass them to me. This woman was very confused, and I felt sorry for the both of us.
I felt sorry for her because she thought she was going on a date with solely him, to enjoy him, but because he was so selfish and indecent he didn’t even warn her, he wasted her time, even she was deserving of the truth.
We left and went wherever we went that night, but the other woman was the lucky one, little did she know, a wasted night is far better than a wasted year!
TO BE CONTINUED
Madam Prezident
